At the Family Economics Conference last week, I was privileged to participate on a panel concerning hospitality and ministry. Many really good questions were asked, which we were able to address. I enjoyed listening to the other panelists, and I learned much of the grace of the Lord from these godly men and women.
One thing that seemed to resonate with those in attendance was the point that things don’t have to be a production to be hospitality. A simple meal shared with joy and thanksgiving is so much more enjoyable than a 5 star meal served on china if it means that relationships are strained and the budget is exceeded.
One questioner asked what to do if a father/husband is hesitant to open their home to others, but the daughter/wife still wants to extend hospitality. This can truly be something that is difficult to live with. Like many other areas of family life, we must remember that we are commanded to honor and respect our fathers and husbands. We can consider alternative ways to express hospitality. For example, perhaps he wouldn’t mind if you brought cookies or a meal to someone in need. But, sometimes the issue is bigger than we think. Perhaps it is an opportunity to hear your husband or father’s heart on the matter. In all respect and sincerity, go to him and ask for ways that he would be willing to let you extend this grace to others. And, with humility and sincerity, ask him what his hesitation is in this area. You just might be surprised by his answer. But, before you do that, maybe you can trouble shoot it for yourself.
How do you handle the family budget? Is he working long and hard, only to find that the money just isn’t quite meeting the needs to keep the house running at his expectation? Do you complain about not having enough money to do or buy things? We must learn to be content and thankful for how God provides for us through our husbands or fathers.
How have you handled situations in the past when you were expecting company? Were you joyful and gracious while preparing the home for your guests? This was once my biggest struggle. While the family enjoyed having company over, NOBODY enjoyed the process of getting the house ready for them. I was a bear, grumpy, yelling, frustrated, angry. Ugh. It was anything but pleasant. Are you like that? Has your family learned that this is not a happy experience? Could this be why he is hesitant?
And then there is the issue of cleanliness. Is it possible that he is embarrassed to bring people into your home? Your home, and the state of your belongings, reflects on his ability to provide for you. It directly and immediately shows whether or not he has his house in order.
Can you perhaps take a quick inventory and see if any of these issues might be a factor in his unwillingness to open his home. We need to be careful not to assume that the problem lies with an uncharitable husband. It might be more with us, and he is hesitant to tell us. I don’t usually enjoy self-examination. But, I’m thankful for it. I’d much rather figure it out before I need an exhortation from someone who loves me. If you suspect that one of these areas is lacking, maybe you can spend a few months building a reputation that is more honoring and godly before you approach the subject. Maybe he will notice the extra effort and the situation will be dispelled. But, please remember that this is not a manipulative tactic. He doesn’t owe you the results you are hoping for. Even if you don’t get what you want, if these changes need to be made, then you will be blessed and your family will be blessed by the results.
I pray that you will be able to extend more hospitality in the future. If he still says no to people in the home, consider a meeting in a park. Pack a picnic that shows thought and love. One of the sweetest and most generous times of hospitality that someone showed us was a picnic in the park. They packed lunch, and it was varied and abundant. They had a lot of options, but not a ton of things within each option. For example, they had various vegetables, but none of them individually would have filled anyone. And crackers, sandwiches, cheeses, fruit. Simple things, but something for everyone. Allergies could be worked around, people could eat what they liked without drawing attention to what they didn’t. It was fun. The children had the freedom to play outside without fear of breaking anything. Perfect for a summer day!
Enjoy this wonderful providence and grace of the Lord. May you be blessed and sanctified as you reach out to others.
