The Virtuous Wife

I am my beloved’s…

Sitting in the park the other day, one of our friends shared with me that she loves the way my husband looks at me. It took me aback. I *know* how my husband steals looks at me, how we connect with our eyes, and how special it is. But, I had no idea that anyone else ever saw it. My husband still makes my knees weak. He gives me those butterflies. I like to watch him while he is doing the things he does.

This last week, he was busy helping with the Family Economics Conference. He did a little bit of emcee work, moderated a couple of panels. That sort of thing. Every once in awhile, I would send him a text just to let him know that I was thinking of him. I would watch him read the text, look up, and look for me. Our eyes would meet, and he’d give me that smile.

I love to get texts and emails from him. He sends them to me just to say he loves me, or something along those lines. We flirt in our little texts and emails. It keeps things fresh and current with us. It keeps us connected. He has been so incredibly busy over the last couple of years. He has so many spinning plates to keep going. And so do I. It would be easy to lose each other in the midst of life. But, what would it benefit us or our children or the church, or the ministry he works with, if we were to lose our marriage, the spark that we have, the joy we have?

God has truly protected us and our marriage. I give Him all the credit and glory for it. My husband has strived to keep our relationship a priority in his life. And by doing so, my loyalty to him, my love and affection for him, and my heart for our home, has grown and flourished.

Ladies, I want to encourage you to remind your husband of your affections for him. Even, or rather, especially, in times of difficulty and stress. It is never too late to build upon what you have. Take it up a notch. Don’t get lazy in the relationship. Remind him of what it was about you that he fell in love with. Remember why you fell in love with him. Build on that.

I have found that it can be so easy to get into a rut and just do the next thing on the list, ignoring the more important things that never actually make it on the list. What we do may not in any way appeal to you or your husband. But I bet you know what will.

When my friend shared her observations with me, her husband chimed in that he thinks Mike and I are such a great team, that we are so good together. I beamed inside. I know this is true. I live it daily. But, to hear that someone else sees it, someone I respect, my heart just about skipped a beat. May the Lord be glorified for any good that is seen in us. It is all because of His abundant mercy and grace in our lives. My husband and I are both naturally selfish and unloving. As are most people. But, by God’s grace, we are able to love deeply. And my prayer is that our children will carry this legacy into their families. And that perhaps you, too, will be blessed as well. Let’s not depend on ourselves for this, but rely wholly upon the Lord, from whose hand every good gift comes.

Filed Under: VW Front Page Tagged With: affection, love, my wonderful husband

Integration?

13 May By Tonya 12 Comments

I have been at the Family Economics Conference this past week soaking in the words and wisdom of many godly and gifted speakers. As I was listening, I was thinking, connecting dots, examining our life and the way we do things as a family.

Integrate: to bring together or incorporate (parts) into a whole; to unite or combine. from the Latin integratus to renew, restore

We are a family of homeschoolers, but more than that. We integrate our children into our daily lives. We integrate them into the worship on the Lord’s Day. They sit with us in church, they worship our Lord with us. We don’t farm them off to nurseries or children’s church. The thought of them not being right with us during the worship is hard to even comprehend, much less bear. We also integrate our children into our daily lives. They help run the home, they help keep us organized. After listening to many of the speakers, my husband has encouraged me that we really need to integrate them more into the family economy. I have to admit that I have been slow to adopt this vision for our children. I am very protective of my little business. I am “particular” about the way things need to be done. I desire excellence in it, from start to finish. I fear that it may not be as much so with the children because, well, let’s face it, I don’t see it in their bedrooms or the dishes just yet. But, is the problem totally with them, or am I to blame somehow in this? I do think I share in this more than I’d like to admit. So, when we get home, our plan is to integrate them more into the business. Pray for me please. That I will be filled with grace and patience, that I will be able to teach them effectively, and that we will take great joy in the process of learning together how to make this work.

But, why do we do all of this integration? It really is a lot of work to get there. Yes, there is much joy and grace from the Lord towards our family in doing it. We really like being together. When I consider the thought of them going off to a school, public or private, I get teary-eyed thinking of them being away from me and each other all day. I can’t stand the idea of someone else getting their best all day. But, is there more to it than that?

Then it hit me. The opposite of integration is disintegration.

Disintegrate: to separate into parts or lose intactness or solidness; break up; deteriorate; to decay; to reduce to particles, fragments, or parts; break up or destroy the cohesion of.

Um. No thanks. THAT is what we are trying to avoid. We love the cohesion of our family. We believe with all we have that it is what God desires for our family, for your family, for all families. It isn’t about control or fear or anything else negative. It is about glorifying God, raising our children in hope, teaching them about the One who created them for His glory and purposes.

We’ve seen disintegration long enough in the world. Let’s start building up, breathing life into our children, giving hope. Let’s show them a better way to live: together, in Christ, for His glory.

What areas can you re-integrate your children into your life? Surely all of us have an area that we have neglected. None of us have arrived yet, have we? Perhaps some have done a much better job at seeing this than we have. Let’s learn from them and stand on their shoulders. Let’s redeem the time together. And remember the promise from Joel 2:25, “So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust…” Walk together, integrated, in hope and joy, knowing that it is never too late to reclaim your family for the Lord’s delight. Embrace these blessings that the Lord has given you. Let’s repent where we have failed due to laziness, ignorance, stiff-neckedness (is that a word?). And embrace our callings as mothers who carry much responsibility and privilege. Who’s with me?

Filed Under: Homeschooling Tagged With: homeschooling, integration

My Beautiful Mothers

10 May By Tonya 2 Comments

I have been greatly blessed by a godly mother. She was faithful to take us to church every week as I was growing up. She gave me wise counsel as I was preparing for marriage, for which I am so grateful. I remember her sitting on my bed beside me as a teenager consoling me, comforting me as I struggled with whatever was causing me angst at the moment.

While my parents didn’t homeschool us or raise us the way we are trying to raise our children, my mother is our biggest cheerleader. She recognizes that she laid a foundation for us on which to build. I pray that my children will do the same. My mother doesn’t seem to carry any feelings of hurt or jealousy because we have taken a slightly different path with our family. She is humble and gracious. She tells us she is proud of us for seeing these things, and loves that her grandchildren are being raised in a godly home, that we bring the Word of God to bear in their lives. Like most Christian parents of her generation, homeschooling wasn’t anywhere on the radar. What will it be for our children? Surely we are not seeing something that the Lord will show them. One step at a time, right? If I have learned anything from my mother, I have learned that God works all things for good to those who love Him and are called according to his purpose. (Ron 8:28) I have learned that even though my children may tweak some things in their parenting, it isn’t a slap on us. It’s a good thing, assuming that they are seeking the Lord in these things.

Occasionally, my husband will be struck by something I’ve done or a way I have responded to the children. He has shared with me that my gentle response to a difficult situation has surprised him. He thought I would have been justified to be upset or angry. But to me, my reaction is just a response that I have learned from my lovely mother. She was always gentle and kind. She seemed to have a bottomless well of patience and kindness. My prayer is that this legacy will continue to our future generations. What a beautiful thing!

Marriage gave me a second mother. My husband’s mother has been a wonderful example of a mother-in-law. Early on in our marriage, my dear mother-in-law went out of her way to make sure I knew I was loved and welcomed into their family. She did large things and small things to demonstrate her heart to me. She wanted me to understand that she recognized that my role in her son’s life now superseded her role as the primary woman influencing him. She would give us gifts with my name on them first, which is such a small thing, but it spoke volumes to me of her love. She communicated with words that her desire was that she would never overstep her boundaries in her dealings with us. And she has been very faithful in this. In many ways she has taught me by her example how to be a mother-in-law. I have never i understood the disdain for mothers-in-law. While we don’t agree on many things pertaining to the Lord and how we live out our lives, we have a deep and abiding love and respect for each other. I am so thankful for the son she raised. She poured her life into her children. She labored at home to give them a consistent and loving home.

When Mike and I were married, we so enjoyed spending time with his parents. They would open their home to us, spend time with us, play games with us. We have some really great memories with them. As the Air Force moved us around the globe, and children were added to our home, the visits became less frequent. We are thankful for those sweet memories. We cling to them. And we try to institute many of those things into our family.

God has been so good to me. He not only gave me a loving, precious mother, but he gave me a kind and wise mother-in-law. Happy Mother’s Day to my two mothers. I love you both so very much.

Filed Under: VW Front Page Tagged With: mothers

Come fly with me…

8 May By Tonya 1 Comment

My husband likes to take me flying. He’s a pilot. That’s what they do. He sometimes wisks me away for my birthday or our anniversary. We have fun, of course. I guess that’s stating the obvious. Funny thing, I never flew with him until recently. He was this fighter test pilot in the Air Force, and that’s just what he did. After he retired, he started flying general aviation aircraft. He would take the kids up on short little local flights, much to their delight, but I just stayed home with whoever wasn’t flying that day.

Then, one day he said he had planned a surprise getaway for us, and that I needed to pack an overnight suitcase. Um. Small airplane? Are you sure you know how to do this? Did I mention that he had been flying fighter aircraft as a test pilot? He had oodles of training and experience. So, I packed my bag and off we went.

Ready for the flight

When we drive somewhere, I find that I feel like I can offer some sort of help in his driving. You know, “We need to turn left in 3 miles, you might want to get over.” That sort of (non)helpful comment. I was in the airplane with my husband and was speechless. I had nothing to offer. I had no idea what he was doing with all those switches and all those radio calls. Nothing.

And at that moment, my respect for my husband shot up 1000%. This man was flying a basically simple airplane, but had 20 years of experience flying the world’s most complicated and difficult planes. I was in awe. I had never really had a glimpse of what he did. I mean, I’d take the kids to the runway when they were little, and they would wave at Daddy as he taxi’d by in his F15.

Mike returning from a deployment in the F15, greeting Jack.

But, I didn’t grasp how well trained and capable he was.

Does that sound weird? Our husbands go off to work and do their thing, regardless of what it is, and then come home at night to eat dinner and kiss the kids goodnight. Right? What we don’t see is the respect other men give them at work. And the respect they give to others. We don’t see the battles they fight, the dragons they slay. That day, I felt I had my first aha moment about what he was doing all those years. Maybe I’m slow.

But my estimation of my husband was increased. And I was ashamed that it wasn’t up there all along. But, at least I finally got it.

…and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Eph 5:33

The tricky part is remembering to respect and honor my husband in the daily grind of life. At least he tries to make it easy for me. He’s a good man that way.

The cockpit after landing

Is this something you struggle with also? How do you remember to respect your husband? How do you handle it when you forget? The thing is, we aren’t married to perfect men. The perfect man doesn’t exist in mere mortal men. And, guess what? They aren’t married to perfect wives either. Funny how that is easy to forget as well.

Filed Under: VW Front Page Tagged With: flying, my wonderful husband, respect